Premature Evaluation: 'Twilight'

Premature Evaluation

Reviewing movies and music before they come out — without the movie or the CD.

From seeing the massive amounts of buzz associated with "Twilight," I swear I must have been in a hole for the past three years. Before last month, I had no idea what this was.

I need to talk to my teenage nieces more, I suppose.

This film adaptation of the bestselling novel by Stephenie Meyer is a love story between a 17-year-old girl named Isabella Swan (Kristen Stewart) and Edward Cullen, a 108-year-old vampire who is 17 physically (Robert Pattinson). More vampires show up, Swan's family becomes endangered and action/drama ensues. (I'm assuming of course – otherwise it would be quite anticlimactic.)

108 and 17. This movie seems to be promoting statutory rape and I know it certainly doesn't follow the xkcd "Standard Creepiness Rule" of dating.

But onto the review. The trailer follows the industry standard of a vampire movie: desaturated colors and creepy gothic music. But there's an added element with horror sound effects intermingled with the clip.

The director seems to want to portray it as part-horror and part-romance, which is what it sounds like from the synopsis. That said, I wasn't drawn into it. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy creepy love stories – Takashi Miike's "Audition" is among my favorites – but this trailer simply didn't peak my interest.

The acting is lackluster and the interlaced scenes don't say more than the typical sappy teenage love flick.

But Cullen killing the deer is entertaining.

And the soundtrack is a positive based on the samples off of iTunes. It's mix of pop-rock and gothic-rock medleys with catchy choruses.

Ultimately, this movie looks like it's going to end up being a mediocre adaptation of a popular book (like "The Da Vinci Code") with a soundtrack that's far more memorable than its film counterpart (like "The Saint").

Buzz level: One-and-a-half bees out of four